The benefit of the doubt

Life lesson and reminder #2705

Some thing I've learned, packaged in diverse lesson plans throughout my life, is to give people the benefit of the doubt.

the benefit of the doubt: a favorable judgment granted in the absence of full evidence.

In relationships of all kinds, it’s easy to forget that “nobody is perfect.”

Nobody is perfect; that shouldn't be much of a surprise, right?  However, many interpersonal conflicts could be resolved or at least de-magnified if we remembered this often.  If we remembered this tenet, we would be slow to make judgments, condemnations; basically assume the worst.  In other words, we treat people as if they were perfect beings and when something happens to contradict that, we forget that we are not perfect beings.

In line with the reason for the Christmas season, there's only one perfect person that's ever been created and we mark His birth in a couple weeks. He is seated at the right Hand of the Father, right now! No one presently alive has physically seen Him as a man. That is Jesus. *cue Revelation Song*

With that said, if we remember that "nobody is perfect," forgiving becomes much more second nature, as it should be for Christians.

So my two cents with this post are:

First, in personal relationships: family, friendships, etc. when you feel wronged or when you would assume the worst based on someone’s actions or statements, just give the person the benefit of the doubt. Don’t jump to conclusions from your assumptions.  More times than not, you learn that your assumptions are actually inaccurate, once you eventually receive the explanation you ask for (key phrase: "ask for" read: communication).

Just stop and think, is this person who you once called friend, brother or what have you, willfully trying to be malicious? More times than not, I think, it is not the case.  I highly doubt that a person you (wisely/willingly) held in close quarters would be willfully malicious or intentionally seek to "stab you in the back" (not talking about work relationships though, see below). I know the heart of man is desperately wicked but in these instances, I just don't think people you've let into your inner circle would just snap, (save any psychological issues, God forbid).

There’s probably just a misunderstanding that you ought to clear up. This clearing up involves, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, intentional communication, and forgiving, regardless of the outcome. Also note, the other person may not have the same idea of forgiveness as you but that doesn't [shouldn't] change your duty or response.

Yes, you also have a duty...

I was wrong. I am sorry. Will you forgive me? How can I make things better? Learn these phrases... Use them when needed.
— tolu a. (@tolulope8) November 25, 2012

Oddly enough, today someone referenced a Lecrae tweet, which he originally tweeted on July 15, 2012!.....!!!!.....!!!!!!! That's my birthday!!! Get out! lol

Never assume people's motives. It's the easiest way to find yourself upset over nothing or misjudging people.
— Lecrae (@lecrae) July 16, 201

I’m noticing more and more that I’m giving people of the benefit of the doubt and it feels great, feels free.  I think I get it from my mom, who always chooses to see the good side of people. And also from an understanding that there are always so many facts and perceptions to one story.  Uncovering every fact would be the only just way to get to the bottom of an issue.

So for me, I'm focusing on the good side of people, not really being consumed with the facts though (I mean who really has time for that, life is too short for all that, I'm on a mission), and just forgiving quickly. (read: Nike slogan: just do it. *shrug*) How much does it cost you to hold on to something? BUT, how much is it worth. It's not worth it. Love keeps no records of wrongs. 

Forgiving as I was forgiven, Merry Christmas to me.

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End note

On another (professional setting) note, someone, (I’ll call them a more experienced practitioner), told me this recently regarding our line of work, (and someone told this to that person): always assume [someone on the other side] is lying just a little bit.

Since I’m relatively new to the full-time work scene, I can’t comment much on that, but it sounded like a good piece of advice, as an encouragement to ask more questions; the harder questions, the deeper questions, in an investigation.  

Although, ironically, in my field, typically, you’re innocent until proven guilty. *shrug* Then again, maybe that "innocent until proven guilty" tenet is mainly relevant in the courts of criminal law... maybe it's not even really relevant there! :-o Another post for another day.

Gracious Speech

A cyber convo . . . 

Friend: If God gives you the opportunity to go to Heaven with one person, who will you go with?
Me: Maybe a Muslim or an atheist.
Friend: Why a Muslim?
Me: *long pause* *thinking* So they can see Jesus the way I see Him.
Friend: But they believe in God.
Me: But? I said “so they can see Jesus the way I see Him.” What do you mean by “but?”
Friend: But they believe in God…
Me: How is that related to my reason?
Friend: I just feel if any other religion besides Christianity believes in God, I don’t care how they get to HIM. Just me personally.
Me: Different religions do not see Jesus the same way. If I had a chance to take someone to Heaven with me, it would be someone who sees Jesus in a different way, so they can see Him the way I see Him, at the right hand of the Father, like in Revelation.
Friend: Oh okay, I see what you are saying. 

Why did I post this? Because what may seem obvious to me as a Christian is not necessarily obvious for every Christian. We all have arrived on our Christianity path from diverse backgrounds. His Word states that there is only one way to the Father. However, someone had to deliver that message to me in a way that I would first, receive and second, understand. I had to think about the best way to respond and prayed for grace in my answer, even the short and quick prayers can get answered promptly. 

I heard this recently: “you might say you don’t care what "they" say about you, God knows your heart etc., but you should care about what they say about your Jesus.” 

I care about what they say about my Jesus. Because of that, I care about the way I deliver His message. 

So just keep this in mind whenever you’re delivering part of His message (pro-life, Biblical definition of marriage, only one way to the Father) to someone who needs to receive it in a way that they can understand, without condemnation or belittling. It's also important to note that this conversation is with a friend where there is a tendency to relax the boundaries since we are in a safer zone. Even still, I need grace on my words, just the same.

Colossians 4:6 

New Living Translation -- Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.

The Message -- Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out.

Amplified -- Let your speech at all times be gracious (pleasant and winsome), seasoned [as it were] with salt, [so that you may never be at a loss] to know how you ought to answer anyone [who puts a question to you]. 

Friends, how many of us have them?

I had an interesting discussion with a group of friends about the term: friend.

Well, what is a friend? What point does a friend become a friend? Do you know friends from associates?

This is a topic I was evaluating in the past couple weeks and something I was seriously considering just as the conversation topic was initiated. One of those, -oh my, mums the word, but I surely won't let that happen again- moments.

I prescribe to the “choose your friends, don’t let your friends choose you” practice, or at least I try to. I’m a cross between an extroverted introvert and an ambivert, not fully satisfied with either classification, (more on that later). So, I have the potential to have the “crew” if I put a little more effort and the time and attention it takes to maintain one, but I don’t particularly care to have a crew.  I’ve never really had one either, ever.  My groupings go as far as close friend, a friend or an associate.  I can pretty much get along with anyone, but only a few people really know me. Those are the people I consider close friends.

However, a few times, just a few, an error of judgment has caused me to misplace a person.   I hold expectations for people based on the way I perceive the friendship due to my actions – the way I treat them, or their mixed actions, the way they treat me, sometimes.  In other words, I would think someone is a friend but based on a certain unexpected action, or recurring actions, I have given myself just cause to demote them.  Or on the other hand, I thought I was just an associate to someone but they really came through in a caring and loving way, as a friend should, so they get promoted.

I’m learning more and more that the term friend is a wide continuum.  Because of this, the word friend gets thrown around loosely.  Superficially, everyone is a friend.  We’ve added so many different meanings to it and in a major way, detracted from what a friend really is supposed to be, living under a guise of deception, all for what? Securing insecurites? Please.

For example, sometimes I will see a "crew" (friend-pair or group) and I’m curious to know how they became friends. Are all of them really friends or were they really close in the past so now out of obligation they tolerate each other, and a host of other questions when it just doesn’t seem right. Is it just for show? Do you really know what that person is going through? This just seems too surface for me.

And thanks to social networking we have given more leeway to the term friend. “We’re friends on facebook,” does not automatically translate to we are friends in reality.

What if we compartmentalized our friends in the following manner:

• Friend that sticks closer than a brother – well, Jesus, Holy Spirit, and if you're married, maybe your spouse as a far second and/or if you're the type of person to have a "best" friend, then your best friend. Sidebar: if you are married, I would like to think your spouse is your best friend.
  
• Family-friends – friendships formed within your family – siblings, cousins, parents, children, in-laws etc.
• Friends of the family– friends you’ve grown up with; your families are friends, you mark birthdays together and attend each others' graduations, these are the default people always on the guest list, they do not need an invitation. You carry yourselves out to the public as relatives because you're that close.
  
• All around Friends – Friends that you have depth with, understanding, history, trust, communication, love. You may have even had a disagreement a few times but you were able to move past the disagreement in value of the friendship. (Granted, an individual falling into any of the above 3 categories could very well fit in this category). You can call them anytime and talk to them about anything. They know you inside and out. You are free with them and they also hold you accountable. You have some similarities but it does not mean you are carbon copies.
• Friends for specific purposes - These are friends that you would only call for specific reasons as opposed to anytime or for anything. These may also include the friends that are friends by title and not in deed fully. Or they used to be all around friends, but they got demoted when you noticed they only call you when they need something.
• Pen Pal friends – These are friends you have made connections with from living in different parts of the world and now your main form of communication, primarily due to your relocation and distance, is random infrequent texts, an email here and there, skype once in a while or form of regular or irregular cyber communication. This includes liking all or most of their facebook activity and the like. Perhaps, they used to be all around friends but because of the ease of mobile phone usage and your lack of using it, they are no longer classified as All around friends- they've been demoted, replaced - eek. But both parties are okay with this or too busy to notice.
• Cyber friends – Your relationship apart from 1 or 2 meetings by happenstance, or mutual friends is strictly over the internet, facebook, twitter, etc. Once in a while you reach out to them over the world wide web but your conversation is surface level. These friends may also have been in another group higher up at one period in your life, but lack of effort to maintain the friendship has placed the friendship in this category.
• Associates – you have mutual friends from (common gathering ie. church) and you’re cordial in public, but that’s about as far as it goes, there is no relationship behind closed doors.

I don’t know of anyone who does this. I think that is partially OCD. I would actually like to meet you if you do.

Well back to the demotion; this can detrimental when done out of emotion.  I know in the past, I have created my own reasons for a person's actions instead of communicating with the person to understand why they did something.  For example, I'm like this happened again, [insert my reason here], well obviously they were not listening the first time, (if they were worthy of a first time). Not much seventy times seven going on there.  Or I've “let it go” but still harbor offense in my heart; the bait of Satan.  So in turn the issue is still there and I've single-handedly changed the dynamics of the friendship, causing avoidable strife in the Body and the other person may not even have a clue, even though I think they should, because from my perspective it was so blatant (so bogus).

There’s a lot of expectation but not enough communication. –Nosa Osai

I am writing this not to say that I am merely reevaluating relationships, although I am. But more so as a reminder for me to focus on the person's qualities and the foundation of the friendship, instead of separating and magnifying the issue or action that has caused discontent.  Humans will disappoint you, it is inevitable, since I'm human I cannot fault another for this.

Along with this, I am learning not to lean on my own understanding when analyzing another person's actions, especially when I do not understand how a "friend" could do that.  I've noticed, when I lean on my own understanding without giving them a chance to explain themselves, I am attempting to protect my future interests -that being "self."    Instead, I need to initiate communication on the issue, if I truly value them as a friend.  Friends should prayerfully, constructively hash and settle their issues together, if they truly value the friendship; it's a two way street.

Furthermore, I write this as a challenge to myself to be a better a friend. :) "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you." Matthew 7:12. 

What is the best vitamin for maintaining a healthy friendship? 

B1 ;-)

Day 4: Constitutional Law

*singing* "Our God is the Awesome God. There is none like You. With Him we win, He’s our Champion oooooh-oooooh! Our God is the awesome God, He is the greatest in all the earth, with Him we come in first, He’s our Champion!!!!"

My theme song during bar prep is ‘Champion’ by Tye Tribbett featuring Israel Houghton. I initially heard the song when my cousin posted it on google buzz a while back. Recently, a friend played it, and sent it to me through BBM = perfectly timed! It was on repeat during my commute this morning. Five miles in 10 minutes – the purple line is nice like that – Belmont to Howard.

Day 4: Constitutional Law - First Amendment, Equal Protection and host of other topics; it’s all coming back. Apparently we’ve learned thousands of rules during law school and we will review/learn many of them these next two months. The exam will be complete in exactly two months! Amen! Efficiency is the key. There is a lot to learn but the key is study efficiently and effectively. “The bar is all about testmanship and confidence. Confidence Cayenne in the house. Also “it’s not enough to just know the rule, you must know the exceptions.”

Technically, we have a break tomorrow for the holidays. The break just means we don’t have a live session in downtown, but there is still work to be done. Multiple choice questions every day. Tomorrow, I’ll scope out my study spots for the next 9 intense weeks. I also decided to incorporate exercising into my schedule after a reoccurring theme in the advice from recent bar takers. I've also been advised that blogging is not part of my schedule either so after this week, it's foreseeable that I will not post as frequently.

My foundation course professor is the eldest of seven children – none of them are twins, I asked (seven separate births, one couple - wow - Naija style). She was also a whiz kid – finished undergrad at 19 and law school at 22! Her parents were very active in invalidating the bill of attainder. The legislative punishment of a named group or individual without judicial trial is unconstitutional = bill of attainder.

I signed up for the live class for the rest of the course as opposed to my initial decision to take the remaining weeks of the class on demand. I think having other students around will add more to the structure. I don’t know any of them though, most of them are graduates from the city law schools, but I’ll meet them soon enough. Although, the group seated near me today, spoke so negative and pessimistic. I had to tune them out, because that’s not my portion.

Also, I do appreciate my friends checking up on me and helping! I tend to turn off my phone since it proves more effective than keeping my phone on silent. Although, sometimes it delivers texts late, or not at all – it is a crackblackberry *shrug* I might not be able to respond as timely, in the coming weeks. Nonetheless, I appreciate ya!

Day 3: Evidence

It feels like it’s been a week already. I’m still working on my schedule and where I'll study when class ends at 1. Since it only took about 40 minutes to commute downtown the last two days, I tried leaving a little later today. But those 10-15 minutes makes a huge difference because now I’m competing with all the people that begin work at 9am and apparently a majority of them work around Clark and Lake.

This one girl always dresses up to class (it’s only been 3 days, but still). I don’t know how she does it but fist pump to her. Maybe it adds to your psyche. There is only one state that still requires you to dress up to sit for the bar exam, I think it’s Maryland or Virginia. They also make you dress up to class everyday in Nigerian law schools. Law school over there is one year though.

As for me, I’m layered up in boots, tights, cami’s and sweaters and I’m still cold. I would seriously send someone to the store that doesn’t mind going to get me appropriate winter stuff. This Chicago winter is something else. I haven’t really been in it in years. When I come home it’s my house to my car and my car to my destination. My destination for the next 10 weeks is downtown, I’m not driving downtown. Although, each time someone on the train coughs I really wish I had an anthrax or surgeon’s mask. I cannot get sick. Spring semester I got sick about 3 times, this past semester I don’t recall being sick at all – thank God. I want to keep it that way – which is why I also need appropriate winter stuff because this is not cutting it.

I’m thinking of which social networks I’ll keep on and off during this prep. I’ve already taken facebook off my phone as an initial step. But I like the interactive-ness of it but then again that might be a problem in and of itself so that might have to go. I might keep tweeting. I probably won’t BBM as much but I don’t have too many contacts on there anyway, so that’s okay.

Today’s diagnostic test was better as far as time and percentage correct combined. Each day has gotten progressively better with time and I feel good knowing I’m where I should be at this point. I’m trying to see if there is a correlation between the grade I got in the class and how I do on the diagnostic years later. I guess it also depends on subsequent courses which built upon the initial core class.

Our professor is a public defender. She used to tell her clients to dress like they were going to church until one guy came in a bright suit, alligator shoes and a fedora. Now she tells them to dress like a nerdy white guy. End quote.

Favorite quote: “Child custody is a case where your character is at issue ex. A case called Spears v. Federline (ba-dum-bum) that was cute. "Also in negligent hiring and firing – chester the molester cannot be the new school monitor and crossing guard.”

Also, I have the greatest friends ever, very supportive and their neighbors too!!! THANK YOU!!!

Day 1: Criminal Law

We’re taking diagnostic tests this week in the core subjects. Today we took criminal law.

I'm trying to figure out my schedule, it will be an intense 10 weeks. I’m getting a wealth of advice from my classmates who took the Bar in July and last year. I’ve been told to eat healthy and make sure I exercise. Apparently, the last couple of weeks are 18 hour days and it’s all studying. So I’m just getting mentally prepared for that. Part of me wants to start the 18 hour days now but I was advised not to so I don’t burn out by the time I really need to; save my energy for the final stretch. So we are in boot camp for the next couple of months.

Some of my favorite quotes of the day.

“Somebody is going to run out of the room to puke and hopefully, it won’t be you but somebody will.”
"It's Chicago, it's winter, it's cold, so someone next to you will have whooping cough" - part of a spiel to get us to invest in some ear plugs.

I'm trying to get my northside friends to make meals for me -- they think I'm joking but I'm so serious. I need to maximize my time.

I will be studying the notecards I make on the train rides. I haven't had to ride the train consistently like that since highschool apart from a short stint one summer junior year. Many characters and hustlers on the CTA, I try not to stare.

The race you have to win

All glory and honor to Jesus! The end of a matter is better than its beginning and patience is better than pride. Ecclesiastes 7:8. C'est fini! Today, I completed my last exam, as a student at the University of Illinois. After 7.5 years, it is time to say goodbye to Champaign! Thank You Jesus!

Saturday, December 11, 2010, I graduated from the School of Labor and Employment at the University of Illinois. The graduation took place at the Krannert Center for the Performing Arts in the Colwell Playhouse. I gave the remarks on behalf of the Class of 2010 and the transcript is below.

Good afternoon, graduates, faculty, families and friends. Thank you all for coming to our ceremony. We are happy to have you here to share in this joyous time with us.

The title of my speech is called “The Race You Have To Win.”

In life, we are all in a race, yet each of us are in a different race with several supporters cheering us along the way. Many of those supporters are here today in this auditorium. Thankfully, along each of our races, we were able to cross paths for the past year and a half at the School of Labor and Employment.

Seven years ago, after my first semester in undergrad, here at the University of Illinois, I remember running down the stairs at the Weston Residence Hall exclaiming “one semester down, just seven more to go!” with a sigh of relief that I completed my first semester as a college student. Little did I know, in my capped off far-sighted vision into the future, that I would actually be at the University of Illinois for an additional seven more semesters after undergrad. This would make an additional seven years from my first semester.

Seven is also my favorite number. It’s signifies completion. Now seven years later, I stand before you today along with my colleagues, having completed our last semester, as a student, at the School of Labor and Employment at the University of Illinois.

So after seven years, you might imagine I would receive the “oh you must really like school” comment and the “What is MHRIR?” question. And you’re right. Just the other day after a student visit, I was talking to Brandon and Jen and after explaining that I’ve been here since 2003, Brandon asks “do you like Champaign?” And as a city girl, I never thought I would say this but I actually do and it will be sad to leave this place I’ve come to call home. I will miss the good cornfields. I will miss getting to places in 10 minutes and watching this city change and the temperature being slightly warmer than Chicago and gas being slightly cheaper than Chicago. I won’t particularly miss the parking enforcement though. More importantly, it will be sad to leave all of you.

I began undergrad in Champaign, as an 18 year old Psychology major; a familiar beginning for many of my colleagues. And like many of you, I also came to that turning point in undergrad where I decided to change majors. Yet at the same time, it is a very different story for many of my colleagues hailing from 94 undergraduate institutions and 13 countries! It would eventually turn out to be a different story for me as well.

After undergrad, I decided to stay pretty close for law school, as in down the street, which added another 3 years to my tenure in Champaign. And at the law school I met Professor LeRoy! Anyone who has come into contact with him, or taken any of his classes here, knows exactly what this means. He and other important people in my life, such as my mom, are the reason that I stand before you today being able to pursue exactly what I wanted to do.

We all began this lap of our race in 2009. I was so surprised that on the first day of orientation, Becky knew my name and everything about me. Then I quickly understood that this school cares about each person in the program and makes it a point to know you. On that first day, I also discovered the wealth that existed in the three-story brick building on 5th and Armory. I felt so fortunate to be in the newly-named-changed School of Labor and Employment. Here I found diversity of cultures, and schools of business and technology as well as an immense and supportive career service center, faculty and alumni base. On a Monday, I told Nell exactly what I was interested in and literally by Tuesday she connected me with alumni from across the country. These alumni significantly helped me change my perspective on my career for the better.

Here we are today December, 11, 2010, a year and a half into the race from where we started and the race is nowhere near complete. Some would even say our race is just beginning depending on your perspective and the School of Labor Employment gave us the best warm up laps. Now we are sitting here about to receive our degrees with many of our supporters and a cloud of witnesses happy to join us here in the audience. I think we need to give our supporters a round of applause because they were the ones that helped us to keep running this race.

As of Summer 2010, there were over 2300 School of Labor Employment alumni employed in 47 different states in the U.S. including, D.C. and Puerto Rico, and in more than 30 foreign countries. Among them are senior corporate executives, government officials, HR consultants, union officials, faculty members, and university administrators.

Now graduates, look around, we are the new generation of HR and IR professionals, consultants, government and union officials, administrators and directors. I think you should also clap for yourselves for making it this far on your race. And as we finish our last final examination in the program next week, we will race out into the world to join these successful University of Illinois MHRIR alumni. Fellow graduates, we are very privileged to be in these seats. I am so honored to be in great company, having the opportunity to join the graduating class of December 2010.

I admit it hasn’t hit me yet, that we’re actually leaving. Maybe it will hit me when I’m stuck in traffic again in the big city on my way to work, or sometime next year when I no longer view the year in semester lenses. Or maybe, it will hit me when I’m not driving down Interstate 57 on a Sunday night for my 8am class with Professor Avgar. Although, it will be sad to leave, it is a bitter sweet leave. This program is the hardest thing many of us have done, it is the hardest thing I have done to date and we have successfully completed this lap in our race. The School of Labor and Employment has adequately prepared us for the next step, judging by the experiences from many of my peers this past summer as well as our antecessors who have shared their experiences with us. So in a sense it was our warm- up lap for our race. And although there are no official rankings, I am certain that this was the best warm up lap hands down.

Before I came to this program I somehow avoided the business classes, like the plague apart from the general requirements. Leaving this program, my business acumen has skyrocketed. One thing I learned in Professor Lubotsky’s Health Savings and Family Issues in the Workplace class is that generally speaking there are two assets that are very hard to diversify. One is your house and the second is your skill set; your human capital. However, at this program we are at such an advantage with the second asset. Our skill sets are already diverse. Our education at the School of Labor and Employment has opened so many roads of opportunities and given us several choices that many of us otherwise would not have had prior to entering this program.

Graduates, no matter where we are in this world, whether we are in small town, Ohio, to New York City to Beijing, China we will always have the bond of being Fighting Illini at this point in our race. And as I conclude, I would like to leave my fellow Illini with following words of advice. There is a race set before that you have to win. This race isn't given to the swift but to the one that can endure through the end. I started this year with many goals, and graduating from the School of Labor and Employment was one of them, we all made it!   More importantly, we are guaranteed a prize at the end of this race, so continue working hard and I know that we will hear of many of each of our races throughout the school walls and across the world.  As we leave this campus as alumni, continue to run your race.   Pace yourself through your race to run your best race, helping others along the way and know that you’ve already won.  Thank You.

Convocation Ceremony School of Labor and Employment at the University of Illinois

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Reference: I Corinthians 9; Ecclesiastes 9.

Speech inspired by: Pastor Fola Oluwehinmi -- King's Assembly, RCCG.

Photo by: Lola Adegoke

Supported by: So many people: family, ACF, JHC, KA, friends, mentors, faculty!

Could only have done it by and through: JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A purpose driven life = a life fulfilled

What a week... Church, Market, Bowling Alley, Nursing home, Illinois Department of Corrections, Courthouse, Community Service Kickoff, International Potluck, Celebrations oh yeah and school...

Monday went to see my grandfather, before heading back to school, and now the end of the week, his junior brother has been laid to rest in Odogbolu, Ogun, next to my great grandmother.

From his youngest son, my cousin JO.

A great man...a loving father, a wonderful, gifted and brilliant doctor, dermatologist, and venereologist...someone who stood for integrity, hard work, and perfection...may I be half if not all that u were...loved u, love u, and will always love u dad..rest in peace.....

There is a time for everything and it is time to celebrate my granduncle. A great man indeed. Love always, Funmi. A life fulfilled.

For me to live is Christ - Paul

If my time to go back comes before Christ comes back I want you to know that I love you. We do not say that a lot or enough in our affection-lacking-culture. We just assume the other people in our lives know. But people come and go at different times and then people think "I wish I told X, xyz,"  when that person has been called back.

Heard on the radio though, "when someone tells you 'I love you,' you should ask 'what do you mean by that?'" It could have different in-depth meanings depending on the recipient. If you really want to know you can ask me =). But generally, just know that I love you with the love of the Lord and want what's best for you, as a friend God has placed in my life.

So I just encourage you to break away from that culture and tell people how you feel about them often.

At the same time, make sure you are doing your part daily to fulfill your destiny and purpose.


I got this from my friend, JW's status and would like to share: 

My favorite store is in Nazareth, My clothes are in Nazareth, My food is in Nazareth, my car is in Nazareth, My books are in Nazareth. My COMFORT is in Nazareth. All I know, is in Nazareth. In order to fulfill scripture, I have to leave Nazareth. My destiny is in Bethlehem, but my comfort zone is in Nazareth. I have to leave Nazareth and go to Bethlehem I have to.

Bethlehem or bust. Let's go!

Lastly, if God has placed someone anyone in your life, it is your duty to at least plant a seed in their life so that when they are called back you know you did your part with them. Reinforced by my Gma.

I don't think I'll be going anywhere for a while though. I'm still learning and a work in progress. Moreover, I've still got business to do. My Father's business. I mustn't leave until it's finished.

Then I'd have lived my life to the fullest.

Show me your friends.

I'm in great company, and have great people around me! I pray God continues to over bless and abundantly favor them(you) and theirs(yours) daily.


<3 y'all.
Xtina

Iya mi calls me Funmilayo...

Oluwafunmilayo - God gives me joy.

The things of this world are silly to me (some sneaky) but sillyyy nonetheless.

Although I am in the world I am not of this world.

I thank God for giving me the wisdom to see red flags and stay awayyyyy.  He has given me the understanding and authority to be at least two steps ahead, allowing me to divert from nouns (the grammar school definition: persons, places or things)  that I can boldly say are “Not my portion!”

Because what God has for me is for me and what is not is not, hence NOT MY PORTION :-)

Giving them/it  the deuces and maybe saying a prayer towards it (ideally) I can carry along about my business and purpose, continuously praising, thanking, and praying without ceasing – You’ve Got to stay prayed UP! It confuses them/it, keeps them/it guessing.

With that recipe, things that used to bother me, bother me no more, things that could make me retort, allow me to smile, laugh and give God the glory because HE is the only entity that deserves my attention. It's not a secret I can tell it and will tell it always. It's called the Joy of the Lord, one of the fruits of The Spirit and I've got it! Hence my naturally joyful disposition.

This week, I definitely heard some things that quite possibly belong on the top of the dumbest statements ever list [too dumb that the mouth God gave me to praise Him should dare not repeat, give credit to, or be contaminated by such nonsense]  and seen some of the world in action, sneaky endeavors, etc. etc. ...... = not my portion <----HallelujaHolla BACK (how about never! because I am not of this world. (fullstop)

But this week, I also heard some of the greatest statements ever and seen the hand of the Lord at work in my life, family and friends = my portion :-D Thank you relevancy.

Still fasting permanently from irrelevancy…it’s working! Join me :-)

I've got Joy and give Joy! HallelujaHolla!

Shoutout to the wonderful woman that gave me that name, who God blessed with another year of life, on Wednesday. love you.

Several Voices Same Message to Me..all that time

wow.. God definitely uses several people to get the same message to you. I read the open heavens online today, Several Voices Same Message, after praying with a friend from ACFYAC this morning.
Several Voices Same Message

• The very night before law school orientation, someone I met from CLEO and I were running errands and decided to stop at the law school just to look around. We met a guy who was doing the joint degree and then He was speaking to me. 
• During 1st semester of law school, I spoke to another guy from BLSA and even though I thought I was just meant to connect him to a girl in my section who was interested in the same program as well He was actually speaking to me. 
• Went to a get together, met two more people in that same program, He was speaking to me then.
• My friend was studying for the GRE and applying, He was speaking to me then
  
• When I went to meet one of my advisors from a summer law program I did, He spoke to me then. 
• My amtrak was delayed and I reunited with my mentor from the summer law program and she also happened to be doing that program now a semester after graduating law school, and He was speaking to me.
• In November, we had a Black Alumni Reunion, the lady from class of '91, who had the same BLSA exec position I did (Dir. of Comm. Serv.)  was telling me about why she did the same program and of course He was speaking to me then too.
  

I think I'm pretty quick with getting messages generally but after all that, I still didn't quite get The message. And even when it took me awhile to get the message, HE still worked it out for me!

• How I got into a class meant for mainly 3rd years as a 2nd year - God. 
• And subsequently did well in the class and the professor was a key person to meet in so many aspects - God
  
• How I was accepted into my joint program - God! (the applications were already closed, the class was already selected before I even applied or even took the GRE, there was already a long wait list - God did it for His daughter. He is still in The Business of working things out for His children, don't allow anyone to tell you otherwise).
• How I did well on the GRE after studying for only 1 week! - God.

The call today and what GO wrote for today comes at a great time since the next chapter is quickly approaching...., they spoke on the same things and I was actually looking for my next message. I think I'm getting it! =) This fast from irrelevancy is great. God is putting relevant people in my path and using relevant people already in my life. This is just one example of several!

Too happy no matter what happens. Too many things to thank HIM for! THANK YOU FOREVER.

Have a blessed day!!!