dreams and reality

I’ve been having lots of dreams lately. Some of them run into each other. They are very real. So much so that I have to check my phone and retrace my steps to determine whether what I remember happened in my dream or in life. BUT it’s even weirder when what happened in my dream, happens in real life . . . 

When your dreams become reality.

decisions

I have some decisions to make, and they are probably the hardest decisions I have had to make in my life to date. For the most part, all other decisions followed the normal course of life: school, summer, school, summer and more school.

Now the seasons are changing and I need to dress up accordingly. I’ve come to a fork in the road and the decision could be as easy as picking what to wear. But even then, I remember, once in a while, dressing up from head to ankle, and wearing two different pairs of shoes, one on each foot. Then, I would ask my mom which one she liked better. Sometimes she would cooperate with the triviality of it and pick one. Sometimes she would respond with “see you have too many, if you just had one pair this wouldn’t be an issue.” And other times, she would just say disqualify herself from answering, at times noting that she doesn’t know what’s in style for my generation.

I could see the silliness of it and for the most part I knew which pair I wanted to wear. Sometimes we just look for confirmation in others. It helps to have that extra root of support. The support gives assurance that we’re doing the "right" thing.

So here I am, dressing up for this season. I need to make a decision and trust.

-C. C. Faith

Upshot Women's Breakfast

These were some notes I took from the “Upshot Ladies Breakfast” on April 2nd by Evangelist Cherish Brown. It was a great program and I thought I should share. Let me know if you have any questions, and I can further elaborate.

The reference is  Genesis 16, 18, and 21 re: the story of Abraham, Sarah, (Hagar, Ishmael) and Isaac.

• Distinguish between a compromise and a promise.
• You can be chasing a man, and miss the mandate that God has on your life.
• You have a promise inside of you that needs to be birthed.
• If you’re sweating too much you need to change your position.
• For every prayer you send up for a man: cook a meal, mop the floor, babysit someone elses kids.
• Even if something didn’t work out it didn’t have your heart anyway.
• The LORD told Abraham to do whatever Sarah said.
• Be careful of the people that play the part but lack the position. They want to take up your time but don’t know your season.
• When your season comes, the fruit needs to be ripe. When God shows up, you need to be ready
• You can mess around trying to please your boyfriend and miss your Boaz.
• No one will mistake Ishmael for my Isaac.
• Ishmael had to go.
• By not disassociating yourself you are making yourself a liability rather than an asset.
• Don’t have an Ishmael speaking for you.
• Disassociate and stay in the will of God.
• The compromise will always bully the promise.
• Hanging around Ishmael will constantly have you defending yourself.
• If God gave Sarah the authority to speak, she had better spoke the right thing.
• He wants a sober minded leader.
• Isaac means to laugh. The promise always gets the last laugh.
• You better start laughing. Start rejoicing in the things of God.
• All who get the news will laugh with me.
• Stop begging and start beholding.
• Singleness is a gift from God. Being a woman in the will of God is a gift from God.
• “Settled down” your Maker is your husband; you don’t have to be married to settle down.
• Don’t forfeit sisterhood just because you don’t have a man on your arms, complement each other.
• He wants your praise, if you want to experience the promise you better learn how to praise.
• You have a promise on the inside of you and He doesn’t want you to compromise that promise.
• He has given us a power transfer, power over what we say, think, and do.
• My sweating is over. {Say it.}
• Know your seasons. Learn to laugh with God not at Him. 
• Disassociate yourself from certain things/Ishmaels.
• I am the good thing. Say it. Proverbs 18:22a focus on the first part
• God follows the rights, right doesn’t follow the good. Think about it
• Goodness without righteousness has no credibility.

Some audio clips: Upshot Women's Breakfast Evangelist Cherish Brown

Soul mates and value systems wrap-up.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to provide me with their list and offer their candid responses. I know this is generally a personal topic; therefore I purposely made the lists anonymous, so that people could be honest and open. Additionally, I did not want people to know exactly what someone desires. Then you have the danger of someone, on a mission, trying to adjust their qualities to someone they may be interested in; deception.

In my assessment of these lists and what I know of the contributors, I see they are based off people’s personal experiences. First, some lists were created from memories of what they are used to and what they liked growing up in their parents’ relationship. Someone may desire someone just like their mom or dad.

On the other hand, some lists are based off of what they didn’t like or didn’t see growing up and want to make sure that experience does not become generational or reappear in their own marriage. These people do not desire the qualities (or lack thereof) of their parents in their future spouse.

Additionally, some people may have tailored their list based on what they did not like from a past girlfriend or boyfriend. There is also the slimmer possibility that they desire qualities from an ex and included that in their list as well. For the most part, I know that the reason you broke up will probably appear on your list in the reverse form. ie. If your ex was not firmly rooted in their beliefs, you probably want the next (and hopefully final) person to be firmly rooted in the faith.

I see many qualities on the lists based off of scripture, sermons and teachings on marriages and how it ought to be. There are some married couples we see and we just know that their marriage reflects a Godly marriage.  Who wouldn't want that? If we know the formula then that is what we will strive to attain. Overall, it is safe to say that the lists were derived from combination of two or more of the aforementioned.

You may have a list of things you desire in a spouse, just the same, your spouse also has a list of things they desire in you. They could have a similar list to someone who contributed to the previous blog posts. So as you review your list of desired qualities, examine what you have to offer and improve on before you’re ready to enter into this life time commitment. These qualities should be discovered, initiated and developed during your single season.

One of our pastors told us that as we get deeper into the study of the Word, some of the qualities begin to change and some become less important. There are probably only a few qualities that would be considered deal breakers. It is also noteworthy that some people realize that the qualities they desire may not be fully developed at the onset of the courtship and subsequently marriage, but instead will develop overtime. However, please don’t go into something with that mindset or believing the person will change, or even less credible, that you will change that person.

I can understand why some people are more aggressive in their tactics or unsubtle hints when pursuing someone, since now there are several people, they probably feel the need to be somewhat competitive. Depending on the scenario, this is can be commonly referred to as thirsty, maybe a bit dehydrated. I don’t approve of that at all. That is an attempt to play God and take matters into our own hands.

I especially dislike when women do it, it’s actually one of my pet peeves, because it signifies to me that the woman does not value her worth. Someone has not had that discussion with her to help her understand her value.

Male friends are pretty consistent with the notion that a woman pursing a man is a turn off and if they really like a woman they will pursue her. As one pastor said, “it is okay for the woman to give the green light;” you don’t have to play hard to get, but you should have respect for yourself. The man should still be pursuing the woman: “A man who finds,” not a woman, and that’s all over the Book.

Let the Holy Spirit guide your actions, thoughts and choices and “stop trying to turn Ishmaels into Issac.” That person may be a good person but not necessarily the good person for you. Notwithstanding our free will to choose coupled with our inability to predict the future, you can still include that person in your prayers, whoever and wherever they may be, as well as your marriage, your unborn children and so forth. When the person comes, as fairy tale as it may sound, I believe you’ll receive confirmation and peace (and maybe even "butterflies" as one friend refers to it).

It will be interesting, in a lovely way, to see who everyone ends up with, in the years to come, in His perfect time.

Value System: a man's perspective

1. Male, 27

• Everything, including hearing from GOD about her
• Looks
• Attitude toward GOD, Work, family, husband, money
• Future life plan
• Cooking game
• Relationships with men, women, family

• The thing is that even if a woman doesn't meet my 'list,' I’m still going to marry her, if I feel GOD leading me. I feel like people get too caught up in a list. Just because a person doesn't meet one point on the list doesn't mean that the person isn't GOD sent. For me it’s not really about a list. The list is a good guide, but at the end of the day, it’s about who GOD leads me too over everything. That takes a sincere, earnest, discerning heart.

2. Male, 28

• A dedicated believing Christian i.e. someone spiritual
• Someone of good moral character, and people should generally have the same opinion about her
• Someone teachable and willing to learn
• Because I am reserved, I’ll like someone more outgoing than myself
• Someone who has a love for knowledge and learning

3. Male, 24

• A submissive woman, after Gods heart. 
• Supportive of what I do. 
• Good communication skills. 
• Good sense of humor. 
• Mature. 
• Classy – knows how to conduct herself relative to the area that we are or the setting. 
• Knows how to put herself together. 
• Encouraging 
• Spiritual growth.
• Nice rack and a deso size booty.

4. Male, 25

• BORN AGAIN
• Teachable
• Intelligent
• Fierce 
• Quite submissive
• Should be sensitive to my person and appeals
• Furthermore, should have great foresight and capacity for my future

5. Male, 24

• The most important thing in a woman is her relationship with God because life will have ups and down so she has to be grounded in her faith to overcome them. 
• A true relationship with God also makes her moral fibers more trustworthy. 
• Other important things are whether I am attracted to her style and personality and we have a natural magnetism. 
• Do me and the girl naturally have a good time in each others presence? 
• Her ambitions and future plan is also very important. 
• Career, location, kids? 
• Her focus or lack thereof to achieve her desired success is also important.
• Her social demeanor: does she carry herself like a queen or is she too friendly with guys?

6. Male, 23

• Their love and respect for God
• The way they treat others
• Also ability to laugh at my corny jokes and 
• The power to uplift me

7. Male, 27 

• Christian
• non-smoker
• sense of humor
• educated
• classy but a lil hood when needed
• family oriented
• good supporter
• adventurous
• cultured
• goal oriented

8. Male, 28

• Physical attribute: 
• Tall and shapely and beautiful to my taste. 
• Nice bubble back there
• Other Attributes: 
• Can't be dirty as far as her upkeep with herself and surroundings, 
• cook and willing to learn Naija foods, 
• respects all my cultures
• Very Important Attributes: 
• God fearing
• faith is stronger than mine and she will help me worship and learn more of God in greater proportion. 
• Also very smart and goal oriented. 
• Driven but knows how to respect the head of the house.

9. Male, 24

1. God fearing: so attractive real talk.
2. Loving: must understand the meaning of true love the way god intended.
3. Supporting: support me in the things that will bring honor to god
4. Independent: someone who has her own mind and is capable of challenging me in a way to reach the best solution and or decision
5. Kind
6. Caring
7. Respectful: someone who respects me as a man and allows me to lead the same way Christ did the church, through love.
8. Encouraging: someone who can encourage me to be my best in everything I do
9. Understanding: someone who aims to understand me.
10. Accepting: someone who accepts my flaws and all.
11. Common interests: for me that is music music music. She must love music.
12. Intelligent and educated
13. Ambitious
14. A dreamer
15. Outgoing: someone to counter my reserved disposition
16. Honest: someone who tells me the truth even if it hurts
17. LOYAL: no matter what she never fades away in times of adversity.
18. Family oriented: family always comes first no matter.
19. Prayerful
20. Forgiving: because I will mess up countless times.
21. Lover: sexually, in the context of marriage.
22. Expressive of her feelings: someone who can express herself that allows for me to learn who she is and adapt to her needs
23. Friend: she must be my best friend.

10. Male, 27

• God fearing and has a heart and love for Christ
• Willing to give and support Gods work: 
• financially, prayerfully, physically, open house
• Attitude of servanthood: 
• in the church, at home, and at other gatherings
• Love God first before me
• Patient, outgoing but reserved in a respectable manner 
• (no need to talk about our bedroom activities with the home girls, flirtatious, “loose”)
• Knows how to take care of home: 
• Cook, clean, hospitable, open house and perform natural God designed woman responsibilities
• Submissive
• Respect for time and money: 
• Willing to live with the basic needs, good credit, cash first credit card never attitude, timely (don’t waste my time painting your face in front of mirror)
• Women of JOY (Jesus first, others second, yourself last)
• Homely
• Understanding and knows how to listen and compromise
• Respectful
• Honest and trustworthy
• Funny
• Lady in the streets but a freak……….

11. Male, 31

1. God fearing with a personal relationship with God
2. Great dress sense
3. Humility
4. A good listener
5. Respectful
6. Compatible
7. Honesty
8. Should know/like praying

12. Male, 28
So my list..I want a woman who is:

• "discerning & beautiful" like Abigail (1 Samuel 25)
• gentle & quiet spirit (2 Peter 3:4)
• one who seeks God's face whole heartedly
• one that understands the changing power of Christ and is willing/wanting to be transformed by Him/His Word (Romans 12:2)
• easy going
• someone that can adapt to many situations
• patient
• considerate
• committed
• understanding
• a woman who understands the Godly roles/order of a house or is willing/wanting to learn
• has family values
• someone that knows how to deal with conflict (conflict resolution skills) 

• Missed an important one.... a woman that can cook! :) lol jk..kinda (can do a little something in the kitchen)

 13. Male, 25

• *country of origin*
• Christian (must have a good and working relationship with God)
• *tribe of country origin*
• At least a 7.5 on the *insert name* scale
• Career orientated
• Must have goals and ambitions
• Laugh at my stupid jokes
• Domesticated (cook, clean, etc…)
• Easy going
• Enjoy experiencing new and different things
• Family oriented
• Did I say good looking, I’m saying it again
• Can and enjoy dancing
• Non clingy
• Tolerate sports

14. Male, 27

• Compatability
• Hospitability
• Trustworthy
• God fearing
• Hardworking
• Understanding
• Forgiving
• Has a sense of humor or appreciates humor
• Affectionate 

15. Male, 25

(in no particular order)

1. Willing to give life up for the Gospel
2. Comfortable living outside of country of origin; potentially as a missionary
3. Can flow well with all types of people
4. Loves to travel
5. Cooking game on point
6. Meek and kind
7. Respectful to parents (her own and mine)
8. Passionate for Jesus and His Word
9. Partner in ministry to others
10. Natural beauty, w/or w/out makeup
11. Excellent with finances and budgeting
12. a giving heart
13. a worshiper

Value System: a woman's perspective

1. Female, 26

• Compassionate
• consistent
• loves God
• thoughtful
• humble
• driven
• wise

2.  Female, 26

• Relationship with God, 
• Honest
• Great sense of humor
• Attractive
• Career oriented: which means if he ain’t got one he’s definitely working on it at this age.

3. Female, 27

• A friend. Because I think a true friend will encompass everything…well, a Christian friend.

4. Female, 27

• Love
• friendship
• trust
• Man of GOD.

5. Female, 25

• God-fearing of course – must love Jesus, 
• someone who I can be very open with – a friend.

6.  Female, 25

• I look for a sold out man to Christ whose desire is for the advancement of the Kingdom
• a husband who embodies love personified and is able to provide for his family
• a man who can lead a house and his family, 
• a man who acknowledges that I am his helpmate. 
• A bit taller than me, all teeth, dark skinned but these are physical for me, God may have other plans…. 
• A husband who loves unconditionally, 
• one who exercises self-control. 
• He has his finances together, is ready to cleave to his wife by leaving his house
• an independent man
• A family guy who understands balance
• an adventurous guy who likes to travel and 
• one who knows the true definition of a wife and is able to remove himself from his friends to keep his wife happy.

7. Female, 28

Everything on the list is pretty negotiable. There are very few things that are non-negotiable.

• Passion for God and however that plays out, it doesn’t mean that they have to be in the ministry necessarily but someone who feels passionately about Christ. 
• Someone who is witty and funny and a good sense of humor. 
• Someone who is intelligent, very open to new things, loves to learn, knowledgeable. 
• Someone who likes to travel. 
• Someone who is taller than I am. 
• Not obese or heavy set. 
• Someone who has a very good relationship with their family and who honor their mother, even if she is a bit much. 
• Someone who likes sports, (loves sports) and who has an appreciation of the arts. 
• Someone who highly regards personal hygiene. 
• A leader and a teacher is important. 
• Someone who is extroverted, or kind of in between, more extroverted.

8. Female, 25

• I want my husband to be a person sent from God. 
• He must be God centered and God fearing. 
• He must love me more than the world and himself. 
• He has to be patient, kind, funny, caring, stern, strong, rational, and extremely loving through his actions and words. 
• The man the Lord has for me will also be successful, a family man and driven. 
• Last but not least I must have an attraction to him a strong one that extends deeper than the physical, I want his words to attract me. 
• Okay and very last, I want him to be my best friend.

9.  Female, 25

These are the things that I DESIRE my husband in regards to my husband (beyond a genuine and growing relationship with Christ) .

• Emotionally stable. 
• Good communication skills. 
• Financial stability-or working toward it. 
• Strong work ethic. 
• Great sense of humor. 
• Gift of patience/forgiveness 
• Sexual skill-lol. 
• Sex needs to be creative and on point!!!! (This is number 2 on my list). 
• Affectionate. 
• Fun- I want to hang out with him.

I think that pretty much covers it all...

10. Female, 24

Spiritual 

1. God-Fearing
2. Takes charge (in terms of leading prayer...)
3. Active in the church
4. Devoted to God
5. Tithe Payer! (Amen to that!!!)
6. Knows the importance of Worship and Prayer

Internal

1. Caring
2. Supportive
3. Consistent
4. Reliable
5. Loving
6. Understanding
7. Non-judgmental
8. Romantic
9. Passionate
10. Slightly Emotional
11. Motivating

External-ish

1. Nice Build
2. Maybe Athletic
3. Musically Inclined (***preferably a Drummer ;-)***)
4. Funny
5. Friendly
6. Financially Stable
7. Adventurous- likes to travel
8. Taller than me
9. Preferably caramel to dark-chocolate-ish skin tone
10. Muscular

11. Female, 25

Spiritual

• Christian – Born again, baptized, Pentecostal – since I’ll become a member of his church
• God-loving and God-fearing.
• A Prayerful man!
• Believes in speaking in tongues.
• Active in Kingdom work, devoted, faithful 
• Knows his Word!!
• Strong Faith
• Can lead our home on all fronts as the head – spiritually = very important!
• praise and worshipper of Christ (in spirit and in truth)

Internal

• A good friend and genuinely a good person.
• A communicator.
• Spends and gives wisely. (gives of himself wisely too)
• Prioritizes smart with family.
• Not shy and has a backbone
• Intelligent, stimulate me intellectually, spiritually and comedic
• Friendly, Fun and a pleasure to be around and can make me smile and laugh forever.
• Encouraging, Positive, Patient, Considerate
• Understanding and we mutually understand each other.
• Very Family Oriented
• Wise and Honest: will tell me his view even if we disagree but not an arguer or easily angered.
• Faithful, Open and Trustworthy and will not give me any reason to feel insecure.
• Consistent, Reliable, Humble, and Hardworking
• He should have goals and plans by which he wishes that we achieve these goals
• Excited about the things that I’m excited about – similar passions
• Treats women respectfully.
• Treats me so amazingly – very chivalrous – carries my bags, opens my doors, always concerned about my well-being and health. Caring,
• A romantic person, that can surprise me too, every now and then. Thoughtful
• Has a healthy number of friends of both genders
• No drama or baggage from past relationships
• Not a flirt or an every ladies man
• Knows how to distinguish between me, his woman, and his friends and I shouldn’t have to tell him. ie – boundaries and etiquette
• No bad/inappropriate habits of youth/personality brought into the marriage. (i.e. drinker, temper)
• Congenial, and loves me.
• Committed to me, us, our family.

External/Other – these are negotiable

• Not too skinny, but not fat – proportionate
• Taller than me (preferably in heels :-))
• Athletic – likes sports: football, basketball, track, soccer is cool too…
• Dresses presentable, appropriate, clean
• Music lover – praiser and worshipper (preferably plays instruments) – someone with rhythm.
• Dances – not a self proclaimed dancer but can dance with me a party or something
• Chocolate – complexion
• Preferably a *country of parents origin*-an

12. Female, 20

• (So this is a given but I will still state it). A man who has dedicated his life to doing the will of God. 
• It is so unattractive seeing a guy who claims to be a Christian and talks the religious lingo but his life does not match up- like seriously why fake the funk. The Bible talks about how the man is to lead his family in knowing the will of God. Truthfully I am not trying to be lead by a man who does not have a clear direction. (I do understand that no one is perfect). On the flip side I have met many godly men and it is very encouraging. 
• Self Control (mostly in purity) 
• This is a character trait that my future spouse should develop in his single days. A ring on a finger will not change a bad lifelong character trait which would only become worse when coupled with a wife.
• A man who loves life
• the “woe it’s me” attitude is so draining. Life does get hard but as Christians we should have hope that things will get better.
• A lover 
• A man concerned with my little to large needs. I am reading a book “Lady in Waiting” and she quotes the role of a husband/father which I really appreciate. She quotes that “the ideal earthly father models the gentle, nurturing love of the Heavenly father”. I really love this explanation because growing up I have seen the result of the lack there of.
• A friend 
• A man that our relationship develops from a friendship. Someone who I have fun with and share many of the same interest. Someone who will be my best friend.
• A fighter 
• As the man of the house hold he should be able to model not giving up when things get hard in every area of life and most importantly; spiritually.
• A man of culture 
• OK... I really enjoy my rich culture and if the man that God gives me is not *--------* he should be open to learning and sharing my culture.
• A family man 
• I am a huge family person. The person I desire should have a strong love for his family and my family… I pray that the man that God provides for me is someone that my mother totally adores (that’s not hard for her- so if she doesn’t that’s a big red flag).

Ok I know this was long winded … but this is a list that I know God is refining and I am sure He will add and take away. I’m ultimately praying that God will provide me His best as I use this time to become Gods best for my future spouse.

13. Female, 25

1. He must have a plan for his life ... know his purpose (and recognize me as a perfect fit into the equation)
2. I would like for him to revel in the power of prayer, take advantage of it!
3. Discernment
4. He has to inspire me in some sort of way
5. Be intelligent
6. Be able to teach ME something!
7. We should carry/share the same burden (concerning God and His people)

A guy without these qualities is an immediate NO (for me)
p.s. him being saved goes without question lol

14. Female, 24

• Goal Oriented /Ambitious/Visionary (Proverbs 17:22)
• A guy who always has a positive outlook on life.
• Having a clear, concrete vision about his life. (Proverbs 29:18)
• Someone who works hard and knows what to do to advance his life

• Has the same Spiritual, Family, and Moral values as me
• Someone who has a intimate relationship with God…he isn’t afraid to cry in the presence of God. Someone who fears God and is obedient to His Word (Proverbs 16:20)
• A guy who understands the dynamic of a Godly family and has Godly wisdom
• Our moral values need to be parallel to each other.

• Someone who is humble (Proverbs 16:19-19)
• Nobody likes an arrogant man…when he is wrong he admits it and does so with humility (Proverbs 28:13)

• Sense of Humor
• Someone with a great sense of humor because I’m the type of girl that loves to laugh.
• A guy who can make me laugh without even trying to.

• Exhibits Great Communication Skills/Great Listener
• A guy who has a superb communication skills. Being able to listen and be interested in what I’m saying.
• Being able to give up the need to control every conservation.

• WIT and Intelligence
• Someone who can articulate his word and speaks eloquent. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t need to be a Harvard graduate to attribute this quality.
• Someone who can stimulate my brain cells. 
• Someone who can hold a great conversation with me about various and spontaneous conversation (i.e. God, politics, education reform, international affairs, social relations, race, gender inequality

• Understands my culture and family dynamics
• Someone that is open to learning and understanding my culture and its traditions and customs.
• Understands what it means to be an “*insert surname*”…respects and gets along with my family particularly my father

• A Peacemaker (Proverbs 17:1)

• Someone who wants the best for me (Eph 5:25-28)
• In the words of Tyler Perry in The Diary of a Mad Black Women “someone who prays for me more than he prays for himself.”

• Physically Attractive
• Not to be superficial, but I do want someone who is attractive…he doesn’t have to be TBH (Tall, Black Handsome) but he has to be somewhat good-looking

• A Provider
• Financial provider: someone who can meet my needs (1 Tim 5:8)
• Spiritual provider: Eph 5:26-27

Soul mate?

The young adults group at my church has an online discussion forum via google groups and someone posed this question:

What are your thoughts on the belief that everyone has a soul mate?

Single Christians are told to pray for the “bone of our bone, and the flesh of our flesh.” Some will even say, pray that the rib will be directed to the rib cage it belongs. 

In that case, the rib symbolizes woman, as God formed her out of Adam’s rib. The rib cage symbolizes man, as God put Adam to sleep and removed a rib from his rib cage.

But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” Genesis 2: 20-23

I have also heard the statement that “when God created you, He created your mate.” 

The aforementioned prayer points and sayings could lend credence to the belief that there is one specific person created specifically for you. Yet, God gives us the ability to choose. 

Here were some notable quotes I pulled from the discussion:

“Ask God to guide you along the process of finding your soul mate. He won't drop him/her into your lap neither can you choose by your own wisdom.” – Tosan O.

“Yes! You chose your "soul mate," hopefully you asked God's guidance in making the decision, otherwise your prayer shall change to asking for grace and mercy!” – Tosan O.

The following Sunday, the Pastor’s wife, Pastor Funmi, summed up the answer for inquiring minds:

There is no such thing as a soul mate. There is not one person specifically designed for you. The only person made for someone was Eve (made for Adam). Everyone else has a choice. But the main thing is to have a value system. Marry a Christian not a church goer.

Value System? Hmmm. What qualities do people value, I wondered.

So, I posed this question to my single Christian friends, both male and female:

What do you desire in a spouse?

The following two posts contain qualities of what males and females value when looking (or choosing rather).