Value System: a woman's perspective

1. Female, 26

• Compassionate
• consistent
• loves God
• thoughtful
• humble
• driven
• wise

2.  Female, 26

• Relationship with God, 
• Honest
• Great sense of humor
• Attractive
• Career oriented: which means if he ain’t got one he’s definitely working on it at this age.

3. Female, 27

• A friend. Because I think a true friend will encompass everything…well, a Christian friend.

4. Female, 27

• Love
• friendship
• trust
• Man of GOD.

5. Female, 25

• God-fearing of course – must love Jesus, 
• someone who I can be very open with – a friend.

6.  Female, 25

• I look for a sold out man to Christ whose desire is for the advancement of the Kingdom
• a husband who embodies love personified and is able to provide for his family
• a man who can lead a house and his family, 
• a man who acknowledges that I am his helpmate. 
• A bit taller than me, all teeth, dark skinned but these are physical for me, God may have other plans…. 
• A husband who loves unconditionally, 
• one who exercises self-control. 
• He has his finances together, is ready to cleave to his wife by leaving his house
• an independent man
• A family guy who understands balance
• an adventurous guy who likes to travel and 
• one who knows the true definition of a wife and is able to remove himself from his friends to keep his wife happy.

7. Female, 28

Everything on the list is pretty negotiable. There are very few things that are non-negotiable.

• Passion for God and however that plays out, it doesn’t mean that they have to be in the ministry necessarily but someone who feels passionately about Christ. 
• Someone who is witty and funny and a good sense of humor. 
• Someone who is intelligent, very open to new things, loves to learn, knowledgeable. 
• Someone who likes to travel. 
• Someone who is taller than I am. 
• Not obese or heavy set. 
• Someone who has a very good relationship with their family and who honor their mother, even if she is a bit much. 
• Someone who likes sports, (loves sports) and who has an appreciation of the arts. 
• Someone who highly regards personal hygiene. 
• A leader and a teacher is important. 
• Someone who is extroverted, or kind of in between, more extroverted.

8. Female, 25

• I want my husband to be a person sent from God. 
• He must be God centered and God fearing. 
• He must love me more than the world and himself. 
• He has to be patient, kind, funny, caring, stern, strong, rational, and extremely loving through his actions and words. 
• The man the Lord has for me will also be successful, a family man and driven. 
• Last but not least I must have an attraction to him a strong one that extends deeper than the physical, I want his words to attract me. 
• Okay and very last, I want him to be my best friend.

9.  Female, 25

These are the things that I DESIRE my husband in regards to my husband (beyond a genuine and growing relationship with Christ) .

• Emotionally stable. 
• Good communication skills. 
• Financial stability-or working toward it. 
• Strong work ethic. 
• Great sense of humor. 
• Gift of patience/forgiveness 
• Sexual skill-lol. 
• Sex needs to be creative and on point!!!! (This is number 2 on my list). 
• Affectionate. 
• Fun- I want to hang out with him.

I think that pretty much covers it all...

10. Female, 24

Spiritual 

1. God-Fearing
2. Takes charge (in terms of leading prayer...)
3. Active in the church
4. Devoted to God
5. Tithe Payer! (Amen to that!!!)
6. Knows the importance of Worship and Prayer

Internal

1. Caring
2. Supportive
3. Consistent
4. Reliable
5. Loving
6. Understanding
7. Non-judgmental
8. Romantic
9. Passionate
10. Slightly Emotional
11. Motivating

External-ish

1. Nice Build
2. Maybe Athletic
3. Musically Inclined (***preferably a Drummer ;-)***)
4. Funny
5. Friendly
6. Financially Stable
7. Adventurous- likes to travel
8. Taller than me
9. Preferably caramel to dark-chocolate-ish skin tone
10. Muscular

11. Female, 25

Spiritual

• Christian – Born again, baptized, Pentecostal – since I’ll become a member of his church
• God-loving and God-fearing.
• A Prayerful man!
• Believes in speaking in tongues.
• Active in Kingdom work, devoted, faithful 
• Knows his Word!!
• Strong Faith
• Can lead our home on all fronts as the head – spiritually = very important!
• praise and worshipper of Christ (in spirit and in truth)

Internal

• A good friend and genuinely a good person.
• A communicator.
• Spends and gives wisely. (gives of himself wisely too)
• Prioritizes smart with family.
• Not shy and has a backbone
• Intelligent, stimulate me intellectually, spiritually and comedic
• Friendly, Fun and a pleasure to be around and can make me smile and laugh forever.
• Encouraging, Positive, Patient, Considerate
• Understanding and we mutually understand each other.
• Very Family Oriented
• Wise and Honest: will tell me his view even if we disagree but not an arguer or easily angered.
• Faithful, Open and Trustworthy and will not give me any reason to feel insecure.
• Consistent, Reliable, Humble, and Hardworking
• He should have goals and plans by which he wishes that we achieve these goals
• Excited about the things that I’m excited about – similar passions
• Treats women respectfully.
• Treats me so amazingly – very chivalrous – carries my bags, opens my doors, always concerned about my well-being and health. Caring,
• A romantic person, that can surprise me too, every now and then. Thoughtful
• Has a healthy number of friends of both genders
• No drama or baggage from past relationships
• Not a flirt or an every ladies man
• Knows how to distinguish between me, his woman, and his friends and I shouldn’t have to tell him. ie – boundaries and etiquette
• No bad/inappropriate habits of youth/personality brought into the marriage. (i.e. drinker, temper)
• Congenial, and loves me.
• Committed to me, us, our family.

External/Other – these are negotiable

• Not too skinny, but not fat – proportionate
• Taller than me (preferably in heels :-))
• Athletic – likes sports: football, basketball, track, soccer is cool too…
• Dresses presentable, appropriate, clean
• Music lover – praiser and worshipper (preferably plays instruments) – someone with rhythm.
• Dances – not a self proclaimed dancer but can dance with me a party or something
• Chocolate – complexion
• Preferably a *country of parents origin*-an

12. Female, 20

• (So this is a given but I will still state it). A man who has dedicated his life to doing the will of God. 
• It is so unattractive seeing a guy who claims to be a Christian and talks the religious lingo but his life does not match up- like seriously why fake the funk. The Bible talks about how the man is to lead his family in knowing the will of God. Truthfully I am not trying to be lead by a man who does not have a clear direction. (I do understand that no one is perfect). On the flip side I have met many godly men and it is very encouraging. 
• Self Control (mostly in purity) 
• This is a character trait that my future spouse should develop in his single days. A ring on a finger will not change a bad lifelong character trait which would only become worse when coupled with a wife.
• A man who loves life
• the “woe it’s me” attitude is so draining. Life does get hard but as Christians we should have hope that things will get better.
• A lover 
• A man concerned with my little to large needs. I am reading a book “Lady in Waiting” and she quotes the role of a husband/father which I really appreciate. She quotes that “the ideal earthly father models the gentle, nurturing love of the Heavenly father”. I really love this explanation because growing up I have seen the result of the lack there of.
• A friend 
• A man that our relationship develops from a friendship. Someone who I have fun with and share many of the same interest. Someone who will be my best friend.
• A fighter 
• As the man of the house hold he should be able to model not giving up when things get hard in every area of life and most importantly; spiritually.
• A man of culture 
• OK... I really enjoy my rich culture and if the man that God gives me is not *--------* he should be open to learning and sharing my culture.
• A family man 
• I am a huge family person. The person I desire should have a strong love for his family and my family… I pray that the man that God provides for me is someone that my mother totally adores (that’s not hard for her- so if she doesn’t that’s a big red flag).

Ok I know this was long winded … but this is a list that I know God is refining and I am sure He will add and take away. I’m ultimately praying that God will provide me His best as I use this time to become Gods best for my future spouse.

13. Female, 25

1. He must have a plan for his life ... know his purpose (and recognize me as a perfect fit into the equation)
2. I would like for him to revel in the power of prayer, take advantage of it!
3. Discernment
4. He has to inspire me in some sort of way
5. Be intelligent
6. Be able to teach ME something!
7. We should carry/share the same burden (concerning God and His people)

A guy without these qualities is an immediate NO (for me)
p.s. him being saved goes without question lol

14. Female, 24

• Goal Oriented /Ambitious/Visionary (Proverbs 17:22)
• A guy who always has a positive outlook on life.
• Having a clear, concrete vision about his life. (Proverbs 29:18)
• Someone who works hard and knows what to do to advance his life

• Has the same Spiritual, Family, and Moral values as me
• Someone who has a intimate relationship with God…he isn’t afraid to cry in the presence of God. Someone who fears God and is obedient to His Word (Proverbs 16:20)
• A guy who understands the dynamic of a Godly family and has Godly wisdom
• Our moral values need to be parallel to each other.

• Someone who is humble (Proverbs 16:19-19)
• Nobody likes an arrogant man…when he is wrong he admits it and does so with humility (Proverbs 28:13)

• Sense of Humor
• Someone with a great sense of humor because I’m the type of girl that loves to laugh.
• A guy who can make me laugh without even trying to.

• Exhibits Great Communication Skills/Great Listener
• A guy who has a superb communication skills. Being able to listen and be interested in what I’m saying.
• Being able to give up the need to control every conservation.

• WIT and Intelligence
• Someone who can articulate his word and speaks eloquent. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t need to be a Harvard graduate to attribute this quality.
• Someone who can stimulate my brain cells. 
• Someone who can hold a great conversation with me about various and spontaneous conversation (i.e. God, politics, education reform, international affairs, social relations, race, gender inequality

• Understands my culture and family dynamics
• Someone that is open to learning and understanding my culture and its traditions and customs.
• Understands what it means to be an “*insert surname*”…respects and gets along with my family particularly my father

• A Peacemaker (Proverbs 17:1)

• Someone who wants the best for me (Eph 5:25-28)
• In the words of Tyler Perry in The Diary of a Mad Black Women “someone who prays for me more than he prays for himself.”

• Physically Attractive
• Not to be superficial, but I do want someone who is attractive…he doesn’t have to be TBH (Tall, Black Handsome) but he has to be somewhat good-looking

• A Provider
• Financial provider: someone who can meet my needs (1 Tim 5:8)
• Spiritual provider: Eph 5:26-27