So I’ve been asking for wisdom and revelation . . .
Last summer, I was placed in a living situation, for my internship, and I realized I could have handled the situation better towards the end of the summer, a little too late. This summer, I’ve been placed in another living situation, similar in some respects and very different in other respects.
During the first week, we had a class called Encountering Jesus. The pastor preached on an issue he experienced, which in hindsight prepared him for a coming controversy. Before he could progress though, the Lord had to take the “Saul out of David.” The Lord intentionally allowed David to go through his different trials with Saul to prepare David for leadership with a character that was absent all the character traits of Saul. We learned that God used the earlier occurrence to prepare him for the second occurrence. This later bigger issue would be his time to execute sound leadership in a way he learned through overcoming the first issue.
I had an interesting first half of my second week apart from the prayer room and classes. In short, in my biased opinion, I feel like I was the “most different” amongst the Pursuit interns. I reminded myself of my agenda and purposes for coming to the internship. Highlighting my differences, comparatively, in a group was not one of my initial purposes, on its face. Yet learning to love better unconditionally is something I asked the Lord for last summer, that could always be improved, and I’m still learning it.
I shared my interesting experience, in confidence, with a few others, outside of the internship, that I could relate to. By vocalizing my experience, with my justifications, I was able to reflect on what I said as well as the responses I was given.
I was in the prayer room on Thursday afternoon and I was reminded of last summer. I realized I was basically resorting to handle the current situation similar to the manner which I handled my living situation towards the end of last summer; do my own thing and keep out of harm’s way to prevent any conflict and subsequently reduce interaction.
I immediately saw the trap I could be falling into once again. Meanwhile, I feel the Lord is teaching me to be a better Christina through even this. It is a lesson and preparation on adaptability and adjusting to new environments where it is likely that I may be, once again, the “most different.”
It’d be less convincing to a stranger that I’m adaptable and flexible if I didn’t have recent and relevant references of me venturing out of my comfort zone. Moreover, I don’t generally believe we were made to be comfortable. If I always gravitate towards people who accept me, I’m in effect, making myself comfortable. By staying in my comfort zone, I would not see the areas the Lord is trying to work on in me to prepare me for what is to come.
As I pray Ephesians 1:17-19, I perceive three dangers of maintaining dim eyes to this understanding. One, the Lord may determine that I currently lack the qualifications to be placed in a new setting. Two, I could remain stagnant, missing my kairos opportunity due to my own disobedience. Or three, I would end up learning and realizing that in later less appropriate setting because I decided to do things the comfortable way.
As long as change is constant, it is foreseeable that I will be in these situations in the months and years to come as I enter new beginnings. I would have no excuse not to improve that ("that" essentially being: unconditional love, humility, and meekness) in this setting, not only because one of the safest environments to do so in but it is a test of what I began learning last summer.
I’ve been divinely checked; revelation.